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Tuesday, 7 February 2017

EE and Orange .....Aaaargh!!!!

I noticed that Orange (Now part of EE) have been billing me some high costs for Mrs Blog's phone. I tried to access my online account to find out why. Since I last logged on they have changed the system and now need me to enter my account number. They helpfully tell me on the site that this is located on my last bill. Since I went paperless three years ago that is not much use. I waited for the chat help box and duly asked for my account number.

I was given a 9 digit number to go in to an 8 digit space. The chat guy cheerfully confirmed it was the correct number.

I tried later with another chat operative. I got the correct 8 digit number and accessed my account. It had all the statements up until Jan 2016 and nothing beyond.

In desperation I phoned the dedicated EE Orange helpline. The auto-voice-menu asked me twice for my phone number and after the usual (your is important) delays spoke to a young lad. He told my bill was £24 less than I knew it to be so I queried if there were any other Orange accounts in my name. He checked and said "no"! I didn't believe him (I am a cynic after too many years with Vodafone). I demanded he check again and he confirmed again there were none.

"I want to make a formal complaint. You are taking more money out of my account than you believe you should be."

"Hang on I need to check with someone."

"With whom and why?!"

"I need to talk to someone who has access to a system that I don't have."

"What is that system?"

"The Orange system."

"Eh? ??You're telling me that you don't have access to the Orange system, so which system have you been checking?"

"The EE one it's the only one I have."

I'm going to Sainsburys to buy alcohol.....!!!

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Major breaking world news

Given all the headlines about world leaders today it is reassuring to see that the London Times has kept a sense of proportion. It carried the following headline today,

"Breaking news about flatulent animals..."

The key facts on the subject are,

  1. Tapirs are very noisy
  2. Orangutans do so without shame
  3. Snow leopards muffle the sound with their floofy (sic) bottoms
  4. The copperhead snake squeaks and you are likely to miss it until the smell gets to you
  5. Hedgehogs' smell worse when they have eaten cat food

...just in case you missed it! :-) 

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Blog Xmas

The blog household was added to this Christmas with the welcome figure of Sussex-granny-blog.

Whilst with us she showed a real concern for incoming email and message alerts...

"I heard a beep. I'll just check my phone to see if I have had a message," she said.

"Nope, not mine. Perhaps it was yours?" she said to son-blog.

It wasn't and nor was it mine, Mrs blog's or daughter-blog's.

After a few minutes of quiet contemplation we heard...

"Ah! It's the battery-alert in my hearing aid!"

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

Bad Day at the Gym

For some people a bad visit to the gym is one which results in muscle stiffness the next day. For others it is missing out on a personal best on the barbell. For me ....

...it was going there with my sports shorts inside out :-( 

The shame is even worse than the twice weekly trip to the bottle bank!

Sunday, 18 December 2016

Heading for divorce 2

A while ago now I posted the first divorce warning in what became known as "Tubegate".

It has been added to by Mrs Blog's behaviour over the last 24 hours. Clearly no content with squeezing the toothpaste tube the wrong way she went further, much further,

I should explain that I am a fan of the Times crossword puzzle. In particular I enjoy the "Jumbo Cryptic Crossword" which appears every Saturday. It is a treat in my life to find a couple of hours of peace and quiet in which to solve the two or three clues that I can actually work out among the seventy odd that appear. Every Saturday I download my digital copy of the Times and go straight to the "Mind Games" section, I click on "email these puzzles" and send them to my laptop for printing. The "Jumbo" fits neatly on one side of a piece of A4 paper.

For years now I have carefully preserved the piece of paper....full size... by my armchair in the lounge. That was until today!!!!

Mrs Bloody Blog got it in her head to fold my crossword in half!! Not even neatly!!!!

Monday may see me at the solicitors.

Monday, 12 December 2016

Mathematics and tips

At a local hotel today I overheard the following conversation while waiting to order a coffee.

"Great that's £2.00 please for the coffee."

"I have a discount card."

"That's 15% off then."

"Can you take it as a tip? You know, take the 15% off for the discount but add it back as tip for yourself?"

"Yeah, no problem. That's £2.30 please!"


Sunday, 4 December 2016

Toothpaste tribulations

As regular readers will know, I have been a victim of failing eyesight recently. Whilst bargain hunting in Sainsburys I found an offer for half price Sensodyne toothpaste at £2 and grabbed it. The packaging was unusual, not the usual tube but I thought nothing of it. On closer inspection at home I had bought the "Kids Sensodyne, gentle toothpaste". Hardly worth a mention except...

...last night I went to brush my teeth with the stuff...

...and made the mistake of grabbing the wrong thing...

...I washed my teeth in Dove hand cream and can still taste it this morning!