Sinister Blog

Last weekend the Blogs took a trip to the Highlands. With the forecast saying snow was likely, Mr Blog had an attack of common sense and put a spade in the boot. In the end the weather was not so bad that a spade was needed, but there were a couple of cars that had spun off the road so it was better to be safe than sorry.

This weekend I took Daughter-Blog to the leisure centre. The spade was still in the boot next to my gym bag. When I retrieved my gym bag, Daughter-Blog spotted the spade. Given her youth and exposure to American drama on the large and small screen she assessed the situation instantly...
"Are you going to kill someone Dad?"

No job no money

Last week I wrote about how Frank had got my job, today I have no money either. Not strictly true, I have money but I cannot get it.

I was in London last week and, as usual, made extensive use of my RBS Credit Card. That was until I lost it. I searched all the usual places, my wallet and my wallet. Having no success I then decided to do the sensible thing and ring RBS to cancel it. They obliged with a minimum of fuss and arranged for the new card to be sent out.

"If the old one does turn up cut it up and destroy it", I was told.

Two minutes after putting the phone down I did and I didn't. I found the card in my pocket where I had put it but chose not to destroy it.

This morning I remembered the sage advice of the voice from RBS and, armed with scissors, I set about my redundant credit card. Only after the first slash did I realise that I was in fact destroying my perfectly good Debit Card. So I have a three day wait (at least) before I can get money out of an ATM and no RBS credit card.

30 years in financial services means I do have a plan C..... car washing for cash.

Mr Blog needs a job!

The rules for electing a Pope are quite clear, it can be any Catholic male who has been baptised. Mr Blog fitted this criteria and was quietly confident, until last night.

Whilst the Cardinals are always front-runners, Mr Blog has his own international following.  This drivel is read in countries as diverse as Russia, Iran, France, Latvia and Isle of Man. Mr Blog could have been a voice of reason, a voice of unity, a source of humour and his artwork could have adorned the walls of the Sistine chapel.

But it is not to be. There wasn't even the courtesy of a phone call to tell Mr Blog that Frank got the job!

Mr Blog is off to the Job Centre! 

Neo-Luddite

Mr Blog has had enough of technology.

Today, having ventured through snow and blizzards to get to Edinburgh, he bought a new laptop. Being up to the minute on technology is an impossible task since they (usually Microsoft) change everything every week To combat this ignorance I spent an age on the home PC yesterday checking reviews and specifications.

I found just what I wanted a Lenovo G580, very reasonably priced, with a 6GB RAM, 1 TB of hard drive, USB 3 and USB 2, integral webcam, 2 yr John Lewis guarantee. All I needed to ask the assistant in the shop was about the software I needed to add to it.

The assistant told me all about Office 365 which I did not need. He also told me that I was going to have Windows 8, whether or not I wanted to, because it was the only operating system they had (without spending a fortune on a Mac). I could not stay with Office 2010 because they don't do that any more, you have to have Office 2013. All in all that meant getting use to a brand new operating system and at least five new programme updates. Thanks Bill! Regulars might remember my problem with Bill Gates in Clock Chaos 2.

So I have wrestled all day trying to work out the simplest thing - how do you switch off a laptop when using Windows 8? There is no start - shut down option!! I eventually had to use another PC to search on Google because there were no instructions/help function etc. 

The answer for anyone out there struggling with the same problem is.... hover over the right hand of the screen with the mouse, select settings- power options-turn the bloody thing OFF!!

Why cant I buy a new machine with Windows XP and Office 2007?

Dream Jobs

Earlier this afternoon I received a phone call from someone on the Indian sub-continent. Usually such phone calls, where the number is blocked, relate to PPI claims which I don't have. This one was different.

"Can I speak to Mrs Nilson"
"This is Mr Leeson"
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"Very well thank you. How are you!"
"I am great thank you sir. How many years were you in nosey jobs?"
"Sorry??"
"How long have you been in nosey jobs?"
I must admit that despite my keen interest in communication with people of different cultures I was struggling.
"Nosey jobs?"
"Yes!"
Then the penny dropped, this was a firm chasing injury at work claims
"I have never had a Noisy Job."
"Bye bye".

There is no hope!

Five minutes ago I was looking for my reading glasses in order to scan the paper and possibly try the Times Jumbo Crossword.

If it were not for Mrs Blog saying
"They are on your nose!"
I might still be looking for hours.

Chickenshit

Mrs Blog has long been after some chickens. In celebration of a landmark birthday I finally caved in and bought a coop and run for her to keep the little blighters in. Needless to say Mrs Blog is happy and hence the title "chickens hit"!