Extreme Haircuts

Having taken Mrs Blog's car to Kwik-Fit in Edinburgh for a new tyre I found I had a little time spare and went for a wander. Not far away was a sign saying "Turkish Barber". Being in need of a haircut and having planned to make my monthly trip to "Els" hairdressers in Peebles, after getting the new tyre, I thought I had struck gold. This was a time-saving blessing.

The Turk welcomed me in and sat me down straight away in the chair - no queues. The day just got better and better.

After a pretty decent haircut (dare i say much better than El?) he went for the trimmer again.

"Mmmm" I mused, "He must be tidying things up, very professional of him."

I was completely unprepared for the fact that he then attacked my nostrils in qucik succession! The last time anything like that had happened to them I was 14 and I got my brand new Boots battery operated razor stuck. My great day had jsut taken a downturn. It could not surely get any worse?

Bring on the wooden pole, about the length of a wooden spoon ,wrapped at one end with some kind of cloth. The Turk dipped the cloth end into a bottle of purple liquid. Before I could ask if it was Methylated spirit (which it was!), he lit it, and started attacking my ears with the flames!

So my bad day got a whole lot bloody worse! How ears and the smell of buring hair to add tomy woes.

Never mind though, Kwik Fit put a smile on my face by telling me I had four illegal tyres but I could at least drive home safely with all the new ones they put on!!!

Riots

I have been away for a couple of days to the Isle of Man. As such, I missed the news of the riots in Edinburgh this week.

Quiz Night

The quiz team were out last night competing bravely in the local pub quiz. The team name "..and in third place" was slightly optimistic as we finished fourth. Questions and answers are hotly debated by the team until the loudest voice wins or the rest of the team get bored and give up arguing. This technique means that each of us take it in turns to do two things; first we talk everybody else out of a correct answer; second we give up arguing when we know what the right answer is. This allows us the opportunity to recriminate each other whilst simultaneously feeling that we have the moral high ground. Such fun!

To put a smile on yuor face...

 

Puns for Educated Minds The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.   I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:  'Keep off the Grass.' The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.'  The other says 'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal:  transcend dental medication. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.             --

Follow by Email

In case you have not spotted it yet, there is now an easy to spot "follow by email" facility.

After months of trying to stop a blue text on a blue background the problem has been solved and just in case you still can't find it ...

You may need to check your spam filters.

Coffee and Cars

Had a call from David - Blog-friend and follower this morning. Agreed to meet for a coffee at the previously featured "Cocoa Black" coffee shop and chocolate emporium. This would have been impossible a month ago with high cholesterol but the "new me" can cope with shelves of chocolate gateaux.

David was telling me that he is waiting on his new car - specifically with a sunroof....but we live in Scotland!

You Tube First

Being a middle aged bloke, getting techy is not my strength. However, sometimes needs must and and you find you can stretch yourself. Hence the attached clip from You Tube.

If you close your eyes - you struggle to hear that it is a saxophone. Only 816 hits on this video - seems a shame so I am plugging it!

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Destiny not coincidence!

In the week of a blog telling that Daughter-Blog is now working in a shop called Lush, we visited her in the Furry-boots city* where she resides. On leaving to come home she asks me to take a huge bag full of empty beer and wine bottles home to dispose of. As a loving father I have complied and chucked them in the recycling bin, the locals are now having a collection for me to go into rehab!(see shame of recycling post)


*Furry-boots city is Aberdeen, where they all go round saying furry-boots yer from?

Coincidence or Destiny?

I post a blog on wine consumption and the perils of disposing of the bottles and Daughter-Blog starts a new job on the same day at a shop called .... Lush!

The shame of recycling

We enjoy a glass of wine in our house....quite regularly. We are also conscious of our social responsibilities, which means we regularly recycle the bottles that the wine comes in. That is the cause of a problem.

The problem is that the bloody great containers that we have for recycling the bottles, make an almighty noise when you throw the bottles in, as they smash and the sound echoes and amplifies. This means, living as we do in a small town, that every body knows we have been drinking. We tend to save up the bottles to make the trip worthwhile, this means that anyone within a mile radius of the recycling container probably thinks we are suffering with a drink problem in our house. No-one cares that we have non-wine bottles in the consignment.

So what are the options?

1. Don't recycle, and become a social leper
2. Carry on as we are and put up with the sympathetic smiles
3. Wear camouflage clothing when recycling
4. Only recycle on dark moonless nights
5. Use a variety of recycling centres in other towns where we are not known
6. Bury the bottles in the back garden

Any other suggestions gratefully received, hic!

Pensions update

My rant on pensions was woefully short and therefore lacking in a few details , for which I apologise.

To set the record straight and keep the peace with at least one follower...

For the public sector I (and probably many others) do not include the following - armed forces personnel, nurses, doctors and other emergency services all of whom are hugely valuable and worth every penny.

In fact we would probably prefer to see them paid more and get better pensions than they do.

My rant a few weeks ago was aimed squarely at the pen-pushing-window-licking-monkeys who achieve nothing and take forever to do it. The nearest this gets to the armed forces and emergency services is the MOD who have managed to squander billions and with no-one taking the fall for it.