Tuesday 27 March 2012

Best of intetntions...

The weekend was pretty busy with loads of little chores and a few big ones like tidying up the garden. Nonetheless, I found time to take Mrs Blog's car to the local garage for a vacuum and a wash (Not any old wash but a hot, waxy, foamy, fragrant wash and blow dry!). Unfortunately the dryer did not work but I resisted the temptation to "to go off on one" and accepted it as one of life's little trials.

All was good in our house until five minutes ago when Mrs Blog suggested a walk by the river with the dog. She took the car keys, bundled the dog in the car (relegating me to the back seat). Then said,
"Where are the ""L"" plates?"
After discounting the possibility of theft, even though they were magnetic and easily pilfered, we live in area of nearly no crime. I then realised that magnetic "L" plates are probably not car-wash-proof.


Monday 26 March 2012

You could not make this up

Reading the Sunday Times yesterday, my eye was caught by a news story written by James Gillespie. It appears there was a shooting tournament recently in Kuwait which was won by Maria Dmitrienko last Thursday. There has been a diplomatic incident as a result of the national anthem played at the medal ceremony.

Maria D is from Kazhakstan and someone, it seems, decided to play Sacha Baron Cohen's version of the anthem made famous in his film "Borat". After the first few notes the words "...all other countries are run by little girls" were clearly heard. The tune Borat used was the American National anthem. The lyrics continued, "Kazakhstan's prostitutes are the cleanest in the region" and "No1 exporter of potassium." My particular favourite line was about the Tinshein swimming pool with "filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 80% of human solid waste."

Maria D carried it off with a baffled look on her face. ~Two Kazhak officials including the foreign minister have demanded that the medal ceremony be re-run. (No sense of humour -they did of course ban Borat the movie in 2006 - a ban which is still in place)

Should they complain? Well earlier this month, the journalist tells us, there was a ski-ing competition in Northern Kazakhstan, where rather than playing the national anthem the officials played "Livin' la Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin instead!

Saturday 24 March 2012

Daughter-Blog turns to hacking

Daughter-blog returned from Aberdeen University recently to spend some time with us. She was as welcome as ever. I ignored the two sets of swimming goggles she stole from me so that she could chop onions without tears (see earlier posting), and made her feel right at home.So I showedher my new Ipad 2 (supplied by my company) and taught her how to play Temple Run , which she loved even though her best run was 3.5 metres.

I turned my back for five minutes and she decided to have another go on Temple Run to see if she could get to 4 metres. The problem was that my Ipad had locked itself and needed a six digit numerical pass code. Undeterred Daughter-Blog decided she could use her university education to hack the pass code, although quite how a degree in linguistics equips you to be a hacker is beyond me. She decided to use the tried and trusted hacker's favourite of entering random six digit numbers until the Ipad got suspicious and locked itself.

To resuscitate the Ipad required me to plug it into ITunes which I did. My Ipad kicked back into life almost immediately unfortunately the memory (all my work documents) and all the applications were gone.

Friday 23 March 2012

Shaving Technology

Having used a Gillette Mach 3 (with three blades for an even closer shave) for the last ten years I noticed that the already exorbitant cost of new blades was more than buying the same number of blades AND a new razor!

I switched there and then to a new Wilkinson Sword Hydro 5 with hyper glide lubri-strip and flip-top technology (and five, yes five, blades for an even closer closer shave). Then it occurred to me -
"Where will razors be when Son-Blog gets to my age?"

The new Gillette 532  Macho-Mach Turbo with petrol engine, lubri strips, self-cleaning, four wheel drive, 999 BHP?

As it is I cannot get the bloody Hydro 5 under my nose and so I am going to end up with a moustache I don't want which kind of defeats the whole purpose of buying the damn razor in the first place!

Glad I got that off my chest.

Monday 12 March 2012

Blog the baker

A while ago I tried to surprise Mrs Blog with a birthday cake for her fortieth birthday. The "surprise" was that I was going to bake it while she was away visiting relatives one weekend, whilst I looked after son and daughter-blog.

Having never baked a cake before and faced with an Aga rather than a normal cooker it was no easy task. In fact it was so difficult a task that I spent all weekend baking. It involved three trips to the shops to buy extra ingredients, sixteen separate Victoria sponges (none of them edible) and no small amount of trooper-style language. The first batch was raw in the middle and burned to charcoal on the outside, then next just as bad. I rang a friend who has an Aga and asked for help (the equivalent of me stopping to ask for directions when driving). Friend-blog advised that I should use the "cooling shelf" to prevent the oven getting too hot. After several more failed attempts I rang back to find out that the cooling shelf should go above the cake not below it.

Finally I cracked it late on Sunday afternoon, with a swing-bin full of eggs, raw sponge, blackened sponge, butter wrappers, empty sugar and flour bags, I turned out two usable (if not perfect) sponges. I placed them on the, hitherto unused, rack to cool. I returned and applied butter icing and put candles on the top.

No-one had told me to turn the sponges over when they cool so that you have a flat surface when sponge meets sponge in the classic Victoria Sponge recipe. So...when I went back in to the kitchen I witnessed the effect of this oversight in the form of the top sponge having fallen on the floor having slid down through the icing like a skier on a hill.

One more trip to the shops and I bought a bloody cake.

This year though, I have progressed as a baker and can turn out decent scones, bread,croissants, focaccia... So, emboldened I tried again to make Mrs Blog a birthday cake.

Here it is...
First time as well - no mistakes, no burned bits, light and fluffy and cooked through. I ensured that I put the flat sides up and finished with coffee butter icing, champagne bottle-shaped candles, chocolate sprinkles and piped icing saying "Happy Birthday!" All done in an hour and a bit. Success!!!
To say I was chuffed was an understatement. how could Mrs Blog fail to be impressed??

Then she got home from her job in the local cafe which is owned by one Ruth Hinks. Known to me now as the "Evil Ruth Hinks". Ruth , you see is a patisserie chef, worse an award-winning patisserie chef, worse still the winner of the award for "Confectioner of the year 2011" in the UK. She gave Mrs Blog a birthday cake as well, here it is...
Some times you cannot win.