Dog-Blog on death's door

Mrs Blog and I went for a swim today and got back at about 5.10 p.m. The only significance of this is that it was ten minutes after Dog-Blog is usually fed and Dog-Blog is a creature of habit with an uncannily accurate stomach-clock.

Mrs Blog duly filled her metal bowl with the required amount of food; dog-Blog ate only two thirds of it. As Dog Blog has not been well of late both Mrs Blog and I were very concerned that this might indicate her imminent departure from this mortal coil. Especially as she would normally eat all her tea in a mere three seconds and still be looking for more.

We gave her an extra dose of  her painkiller to see if that would help - all wrapped up in a handful of smoked salmon. She struggled bravely and swallowed it. But still she lay by her bowl looking none too well.

"This is the beginning of the end" I thought but kept it to myself.

......."Muffin where did you get all that food from?" said Son-Blog.

"What!?" I said.

"I fed her half an hour ago." replied Son-Blog.

Now we know what is wrong with Dog-Blog...

....the starvation diet starts tomorrow!!

Oops!

Five minutes ago I got back from Sainsburys having assisted Mrs Blog with the weekly food shop. She asked me to take the shopping (very heavy shopping) bags in to the house and intended to say

"You are my Knight in shining armour."

Instead of which the ghost of either Dr Spooner or Dr Freud intervened and she actually said,

"You are my shite in nining armour."!!!

Mistaken Identity

Sister-in-law-blog was just on Skype. She had been chatting to Mrs Blog (Her sister) when I arrived home from the swimming pool. Always open for a chat I stood behind Mrs Blog and waved and said "Hello".

"Hello Aunty!" says sister-in-law-blog.

"Followed up with,

"Sorry Robbie!"

Robbie is Son-blog and, much as we are alike in height, build and hair colour, he has a distinguishing feature which I do not.

Mrs Blog has a clear out

Every year, just after Christmas, Mrs Blog has a clear out. The aim is to get rid of all the junk - particularly old clothes, to make way for the new ones we all got for Christmas. This year she was like a Dervish. She whirled around the cottage and before I could say "hang on a minute!", she had finished.

I now have a sock drawer with no socks, a pants drawer with no pants and a running-kit-drawer with no running kit left in it! If there are no more posts on this site it will be for one of two reasons,
1 I have been arrested for disturbing the peace by running naked in the hills.
2 Mrs Blog has cleared out the computer to make way for some jumpers.

More Swiss Cooker Problems

Nephew  Ben-Blog found fame in November last year with his cooker antics ( I have pasted the post below as a reminder).

I learned from an email from Sister-Blog that he has done it again! This time he snuck into the kitchen unnoticed and turned the hob on again. The cable from the electric mixer was lying over the hob. Ben-blog snuck back into the lounge to watch CBeebies as innocent as a lamb. First thing Sister-blog knew was when there was aloud bang and the smell of burning. Cherubic Ben-blog carried on watching TV  and clearly my sister has not learned her lesson from the previous incident! (see below)


Having been struggling all weekend to find a subject for a blog I was gifted the following by a skype to call to younger-sister-blog who lives in Switzerland.

She has three children, the youngest of which is Ben, who is not yet two years old. She runs a catering business from home and as a consequence makes extensive use of her cooker. Young Ben decided to sit on the open oven door, mistaking it for a chair and ...broke it!



With the oven door duly repaired she set about baking the cakes. Ben-blog realised he could reach the temperature dial and turned the setting up from 175 to 275C and from oven setting to gill setting. Fortunately sister-blog intervened in time.

Not to be out-done. budding Masterchef contestant Ben-blog, spotted the dials for the hob and turned it on. First thing sister blog knew was the smell of her cookery book, which was resting on the hob, giving off faint burning smells.

So, not even two years old and he is cooking the books! His Mum, sister blog is of course a Chartered Management Accountant!!

Coffee

A very good mate came round yesterday. I made him a coffee using Mrs Blog's very best ground coffee (remember she is a barista!). After one sip my friend asked what sort of coffee it was.
"Finest Kenyan", I replied.
"Where is it from?"
......"Kenya."

Mrs Blog needs new glasses

Alas Mrs Blog might be in need of new glasses. She was trying to read the TV schedule on the screen yesterday and noticed two films - "The Git" and "Chocolate Dundee" rather than True Grit and Crocodile Dundee.

Goodbye 2011

Unusually in our house we stayed up to see in the New Year last night. Well, it was more to make sure the old year left really. At the time I decided to do this it seemed like a good idea. That was before Mrs Blog decided to get in on the act.

"Right" she said, "We are going to do this properly."

She then looked up "First-footing" on the internet. This is an ancient custom celebrated in Scotland and Northern England designed to bring good luck to the household. It should involve a dark haired man knocking on your door just after midnight bringing coal, food, whisky and some money. In most parts of Scotland it is now more an excuse to gate-crash your neighbour's party.

No such luck in my life though! Without going into details our First Footing ended up with

"Oh no it is after midnight and you should be outside already!" from Mrs Blog.

She then pushed me out the back door in my dressing gown and her "crocs" plastic slippers (size 4 and I am size 7). I then ran round the house in the dark to the front door. Halfway round I discover the neighbours opposite are doing the same thing and I nearly dropped the plate Mrs Blog had shoved into my hand holding coal, shortbread, a pound coin and tumbler of scotch.

I then had to employ all the fieldcraft techniques I learned in the army cadets  thirty years ago to get past the neighbours without being seen and back into my own house!

Mrs Blog demonstrated her sympathy for predicament by doubling over laughing at me. Happy Bloody New Year!