Irony

Mrs Blog asked me to record a film on Sunday night on our DVD machine so that we could watch it later.  Last night Mrs Blog, Mum-Blog and I sat down to watch this thriller and were highly engrossed in the plot and the acting skills of Denzel Washington when it stopped without warning.

Being technically minded I set about establishing the cause of the problem. After wracking my brains to find the answer it suddenly dawned on me that switching the DVD player off before I went to bed on Sunday might have had something to do with it.

The name of the film....

"Unstoppable"

Disaster

For the first time in ages I opened a brand new jar of coffee this morning. The world has moved on since it last happened and they, (Nescafe), have replaced the old foil top with a new peel-off top. Total disaster! I will never again experience the joy of popping the foil top with a teaspoon!

For sale

A house in the wilds of the Borders of Scotland boasts a sign outside which reads
"No Sawdust For Sale".

It makes you wonder if that means that absolutely everything else is for sale.

Sorely tempting to pop along, knock on the door and say,
"Two elephants, a loaf of bread and some weapons grade uranium please!"

Witness to fitness

Mrs Blog has been fulfilling a new year resolution to get fitter by popping into the gym several times a week. It must be said that if she were writing her autobiography the chapter on "Sporting Achievements" would be one of the shortest.

Desirous of helping Mrs Blog out I went to the gym with her last week. All was going well, I was on the treadmill for a warm up and Mrs Blog on the cross-trainer.

When I finished Mrs Blog was still going on the cross trainer and called out to me
"Look! I am doing really well - it is on a high level and I am not out of breath."
"Mmmm! The light that is next to "high" is actually the fan setting dear."

Full disclosure

The blog-mobile (clapped out Fiesta) is due for its insurance renewal. The Co-op very kindly sent through a reminder in January telling me to get on the case before 17th February.

I did. I rang them up on the number in the letter, endured a 1 min 14 secs message telling of the perils of not disclosing material facts and spoke to one of their "operatives". She asked whether there were any material facts I wanted to disclose.

"Yes" I said, "I had a claim last September."
"Who was that through?"
"You."
"No we have not got a record of any claim here. Perhaps you have another car insured somewhere else?"
"I do."
"Well it would be best to check with them and come back with the details."

I rang the other insurers (AXA) who insure the other Blog-mobile and they assured me I had a clean record with them. Puzzled I dug out reams of paper work and found that I had indeed had a claim with Co-op. Back I went and 1 min 14 secs later I spoke to another operative (having just been reminded of the danger of non-disclosure of material fact).

I explained the position and was told,

"We have no record of the claim here. You will need to ring our claims team to get the details."

I did. I got the details confirming that there had indeed been a claim on the policy and it had been closed off in October 2012.

Back to the operative (another new one). 1 min and 14 secs later...

"I have the details of my claim that I need to disclose."
"Let me take the details"

She did.

"Can I renew my policy now?"
"No. We will need to recalculate the premium."
"But I have a protected no claim bonus, the premium should not change surely?"
"We will need to recalculate...."

Three days later I rang yet another operative and 1 min and 14 secs later I was able to recite, in full, the Co-op warning on the perils of non-disclosure of material fact.

"Can I renew my policy please?"
"Yes, of course."
"Are you aware that I have had a claim"
"Yes!"
"Great can you tell me what the renewal premium is please?"
"Exactly the same as the one in the letter we sent to you dated 27 Jan, did you  not get it?"

Regulars will recognise the picture  from an earlier post about Vodafone...

Discoveries

Mr Blog made a series of discoveries this morning.

First he discovered that he had dropped his car keys in the blue top wheelie bin used for "kerb-side recycling"

Second he discovered that the depth of the wheelie bin is greater than the length of his arms.

Finally he discovered that Mrs Blog considers used tea bags to fit the definition of cardboard/paper and plastics.

Vodafone

I have a pay as you go Vodafone. Realising that I would be better off with a pay-monthly contract I rang their "help line". The only way they can carry out this number change is to get me to ask for a new number on a pay-monthly SIM card and then transfer the old number to the new SIM card account.

I duly ordered the free new SIM card that had a number I did not want. It arrived by special courier rather than in a small envelope (presumably at no small cost to Vodafone).

Being no Luddite I went on to the Vodafone website to arrange for the automatic transfer for the old number to the new SIM card with the number I did not want. All was going well 'till it asked me for my Account number. I hovered the mouse over the question mark at the side of the box where the account number should go and  it instructed me to check the emails I had been sent confirming the order.

I checked the emails and found no mention of the account number. I went to my online account and entered my logon details and found that I had no account number. I went back to the online form and checked again. It told me that if I had any trouble I should dial 191. I did....


(after 5 mins holding because they were experiencing unprecedented demand)

"Hi I am trying to find my account number"
"What is your mobile number?"
"The old one or the new one I did not want?"
"The old one"
"1234546 (changed to protect my voicemail)"
"That is a pay as you go number"
"Yes I know- I am changing to a pay monthly account"
"This is the pay as you go helpline. You need the pay monthly helpline."
(transferred to pay monthly)
"Hi I am trying to find my account number."
"What is your telephone number."
"The old one or the new one I did not want?"
"The pay monthly one."
"9876543 (changed for the same reason)"
"No that is not your number. Can you tell me your account number?"
"NO, THAT IS WHY I AM RINGING YOU!"

It turns out my new number that I did not want is a number that seemingly nobody on the planet wants including Vodafone because, despite it being written on the packaging and the despatch note, it does not exist!