Armed with my brand new roller-bag measuring 50 cm by 40 cm by 20 cm in keeping with the new size regulations directive from EasyJet, I was waiting in line for the 18.05 Gatwick to Edinburgh yesterday.An older gentleman was sitting on the row of seats usually occupied by "special assistance" passengers which made me assume he might well be "special", except that "special assistance" passengers are invariably accompanied by a member of staff.
Several minutes after spotting the special man, he wandered off leaving his bag behind. The security alert that should have ensued was averted by the two other people on the "special" seats (who again weren't special) who reassured Malcolm from Easyjet that the guy would be back.
After several minutes the "special" man returned and went to the desk to ask if they had seen his bag. They steered him back to his "special" seat and showed him where it was. Two minutes later he wandered off again. This time the quick-thinking Malcolm set off in hot pursuit. Escape denied to him for a second time, the "special" man sat back down again.
When, after a thirty minute delay, Stelios let his people let us on the aeroplane, I moved forward. There were no "specials" so the special man had to go to the back of the queue. I felt annoyed with myself for the gleeful way that made me feel.
I found my seat after the speedy boarders had got out of the way. Why do they call them "Speedy Boarders" when they are so bloody slow? 15 A - by the window.
After ten minutes or so the rest of the passengers had found their way past the speedy boarders, all except for the special man. He was complaining that EasyJet should number their seats so that he could find his. The steward, pointed him to his seat, right next to mine. I shrank into my seat and moved my book closer to my head to avoid any eye contact.
Special man sat down and immediately leaned over invading my space and said
"Reading a book? Good idea!"
"No!!" I screamed in my head.
Special man then sat himself diagonally in his seat with his left shoulder angled right in front of me. His elbow turned out to be quite bony too. I simply tried to make myself as small as I could.
Twenty minutes into the air special man decided to have a blueberry muffin. The muffin must have been sat somewhere hot all day because when he opened it I nearly choked on the blueberry gas that steamed off it.
Finally we landed at Edinburgh and special man laughed to me and asked
"Why do they all jump up they won't get off any quicker?" as he remained sitting until nearly everyone else was off the plane. He grabbed his bag - with a large address label on it, I memorised his name and address and started plotting a murder.
Several minutes after spotting the special man, he wandered off leaving his bag behind. The security alert that should have ensued was averted by the two other people on the "special" seats (who again weren't special) who reassured Malcolm from Easyjet that the guy would be back.
After several minutes the "special" man returned and went to the desk to ask if they had seen his bag. They steered him back to his "special" seat and showed him where it was. Two minutes later he wandered off again. This time the quick-thinking Malcolm set off in hot pursuit. Escape denied to him for a second time, the "special" man sat back down again.
When, after a thirty minute delay, Stelios let his people let us on the aeroplane, I moved forward. There were no "specials" so the special man had to go to the back of the queue. I felt annoyed with myself for the gleeful way that made me feel.
I found my seat after the speedy boarders had got out of the way. Why do they call them "Speedy Boarders" when they are so bloody slow? 15 A - by the window.
After ten minutes or so the rest of the passengers had found their way past the speedy boarders, all except for the special man. He was complaining that EasyJet should number their seats so that he could find his. The steward, pointed him to his seat, right next to mine. I shrank into my seat and moved my book closer to my head to avoid any eye contact.
Special man sat down and immediately leaned over invading my space and said
"Reading a book? Good idea!"
"No!!" I screamed in my head.
Special man then sat himself diagonally in his seat with his left shoulder angled right in front of me. His elbow turned out to be quite bony too. I simply tried to make myself as small as I could.
Twenty minutes into the air special man decided to have a blueberry muffin. The muffin must have been sat somewhere hot all day because when he opened it I nearly choked on the blueberry gas that steamed off it.
Finally we landed at Edinburgh and special man laughed to me and asked
"Why do they all jump up they won't get off any quicker?" as he remained sitting until nearly everyone else was off the plane. He grabbed his bag - with a large address label on it, I memorised his name and address and started plotting a murder.
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