Age problems

Last week I was on holiday in France where the weather was far better than I had anticipated. This unexpected good fortune led me to buy three T shirts so that I would be appropriately attired. Two days later, having worn the mid-blue and the white T shirt, found me desperately trying to find the third, white T shirt. No luck - I tried searching three times (pure coincidence) but to no avail.

In desperation I asked Mrs Blog to help and she did...

"The third T shirt wasn't white it was dark blue," she said.

Hen Holidays

Mrs Blog and I are away on holiday to France. This means we needed to find someone and somewhere to put the bloody chickens before we left.

First place to put them was in a cardboard box, so that we could transport them to the second place, a farm in the middle of nowhere. Easier said than done. "Herding cats" has become a figure of speech for describing difficult tasks which, in my opinion (IMO for all the young texters) should now be "herding Chickens"!

After wasting half an hour of perfectly good drinking time I finally resorted to threatening them with some Ozzy Osbourne treatment. Job done!

(For those struggling with the reference check out http://kosmo.hubpages.com/hub/The-26-Craziest-Things-Ozzy-Osbourne-Ever-Did Number 11)

Flustered is flustered

In my recent post "Back Again" I mentioned that there were three additions to the blog-household. These are, Custard, Mustard and Flustered, who are collectively Mrs Blog's chickens.

Custard is the oldest and a fully grown hen, Mustard is half grown and Flustered, who is broadly the same age as Mustard, is an under-sized specimen. Custard has established the pecking order and with visible results that show that Flustered is at the bottom of our "bantam food chain".

Flustered has had all the feathers around her neck pecked off, which makers her look like one of the vultures from Jungle Book only much much smaller.

Total Wally of the week!

Having enjoyed a dig at my mate Steve this week it is only fair that I should "fess up" (as the gangstas say) to my own moment of sheer stupidity.

"Hi is that AutoGlass?"

"Yes"

"I booked my car in for a replacement window to be fitted tomorrow."

"Yes we have it here.  You had a twelve inch long crack in it."

"Well... I thought I did, but when I checked, it isn't there after all! I think it might have been sap from a tree that dripped down on the windscreen!"

The emotional cringe can only be described as call-centre revenge!

Whalley of the week 2

Having realised that Steve was not the most tech savvy person in my circle of friends I took full advantage in the car driving back from Glasgow after watching Art Garfunkel do his thing.

"I'll just phone Kate," said Steve reaching for his beyond-him-techy-Iphone.

Moments later he said "Ah, been cut off!"

"Yes Steve," said I, "That's because we are doing 70 mph. If you go over forty the return signal can't find you, it looks for where you were when you speaking."

Not entirely sure if was taken as a joke!

Whalley of the week

On Monday I went to a concert (Art Garfunkel)  in Glasgow with a mate of mine - Steve Whalley.

During the interval we had the following conversation,

Steve: "I wonder what the score is in the England Switzerland match?"

"Well you have an Iphone there Steve why not use that to find out?"

"Yeah. I'll text Kate."

"?????"

Two minutes later,

"Kate doesn't know."

"But Steve it's an Iphone why not go on the internet and search for the result?"

"I haven't got a WiFi connection."

"But you've got 3G  - you showed me earlier."

"Does that let you get on the internet then?"

The score was 2-0 if you need to know!