Masterchef Audition

Yesterday I went about making an omelette for breakfast as usual. A diagram below of the omelette in question is attached since it will help with the explanation of what happened next.

You can see that I have marked the different parts of the omelette with numbers. This is because the pan was a bit unhelpful and stuck to the omelette in these four places. I tried to loosen the concotion with a spatula but was only partly successful. I realised I had only option - to toss the damn thing.

I did. It didn't work.

Piece 1 ended up in the sink.
Piece 2 wrapped itself around the handle
Piece 3 stayed in the pan
Piece 4 flipped up, hit me and landed on the floor

What did I learn?

• Buy a non-stick pan
• Egg is damned difficult to get off a pan handle
• Mrs Blog thinks I'm "sweet"

Plea for forgiveness

I want to make an apology and appeal for forgiveness.

Yesterday I went to the jet car wash up the road. I loaded the machine with pound coins and set about cleaning off the yew berries and muck that made my car look like a black forest gateau.

After five minutes of concentration I noticed something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look at it and it stopped.

"It" was a very large vole.

The reason I need forgiveness is that I inexplicably, with no forethought and no malice intended, pointed the jet wash straight at it.

The result was a very fast moving, very wet, very large vole.

In honour of the poor creature I captured the image below,

Mr Magoo

Yesterday I went to see the optician. I felt my sight was improving for reading but worsening for distance vision.

The optician carried out a series of tests and then agreed with my diagnosis adding that my eyes were "interesting". Today she was proven to be correct.

I made use of a public convenience this morning in the charming small town of Biggar. Having washed my hands I held them under the dryer. Nothing. I wondered if electrical supply might be intermittent, Biggar is a long way from any metropolis. But no the lights were working perfectly. I examined the dryer more closely and discovered it dispensed paper towels.

Should have gone to Specsavers!

Thoughtful Gifts

Last week a team leader (TL) left the project I was working on. It was decided that, because he wasn't a complete plank, that we should have a whip round. With a tidy sum in his paw the organiser went off to buy a present.

It will help to know what the team leader looked like so...

On the final day we huddled around to surprise out TL. And he was suprised ...by the upmarket, gentleman's shaving set!

Pub quiz

Last Thursday I was in a pub in Leeds minding my own business when they started their pub quiz.

A young couple were sat at the table next to me and paid their pound each to take part. First question:

"When is Burns night celebrated?"

They thought about it and thought about it until one of them said,

"I've got it!"

"When is it?"

"November the 5th!"

Ho hum.