Communication problems

Last week I was in Aberdeen for a meeting with a prospective client. The client, who was from Fraserburgh, wanted to invest money for his grandchildren... or so I thought.

"Ah want to put the barbies in a trust!" he told me.

I looked blankly back.

"The micks! I want to put the micks and the barbies in a trust for the wains!" he told me again.

I carried on looking blank. Nothing in my extensive career in financial planning had prepared me for the investment of "micks and barbies" into anything.

Was this some racist slur against people from Ireland I wondered? Why could he not just give the dolls to his grandchildren without a trust? Why indeed did he have a collection of dolls in the first place? Why did he think I was an expert in dolls?

After several confusing minutes it was explained to me, by a translator, that micks and barbies were in fact money in Fraserburgh.

Bird troubles

For the last fortnight the blog-house has been under attack. Our attacker is a diminutive long-tailed tit. He has taken to headbutting the kitchen window for hours at a time all through the day. Our best efforts to dissuade him have met with no success.

Mystified by this behaviour I went on the interwebtube in search of answers. I have discovered that,

1. Long-tailed tits breed about this time in Scotland
2. The males like to chase off rivals with aggressive displays during the breeding season
3. Long tailed-tits are short-sighted

Conclusion: Our bird-brained buddy is seeing his reflection in the window and is spending all day trying to scare it off.

In case you have the same problem here is what they look like.

Another can't stop myself post

If you hated the last post then don't read this one.

Last night Mrs Blog was chatting with her friend Dibdob-blog. I overheard a snippet about someone who was brought up in a remote house halfway up a mountain. Said person came home from school one day to find that their father had removed the front door.

It was too good an opportunity to miss,

"Was he unhinged?" I asked.

Sometimes I can't stop myself...

I was talking to a financial adviser yesterday about the merits or otherwise of property investment. The adviser mentioned that he was pleased with a property he had bought which was a music studio.

Before I could stop myself I asked, "Was that a sound investment?"

A trip to Orkney

Here is what I learned on a business trip to Orkney...

• The views are rubbish in the dark
• There are no taxis at the airport
• There isn't much of an airport at the airport 
• You cannot get a taxi before 6.00 am
• The ferry leaves for Scrabster at 6.30 am
• To catch the ferry, leaving from Kirkwall, you need a taxi before 6.00 am
• Taxis are terrified of the barmaid in the Bothy bar
• When you get to Scrabster there are lots of policemen
• No-one is supposed to know why there are lots of policemen in Scrabster
• Everyone in Scrabster knows why there are lots of policemen there
• Wick is a small airport
• A two hour delay in wick airport feels like a two week delay

Bloody BA!

On a jaunt to London, BA decided to cancel my return flight due to adverse weather. 

They cancelled it more than 24 hours BEFORE the weather! I rang to remonstrate with them. 

They told me that the flight an hour before my cancelled flight was not cancelled! Nor was the one an hour after!

Either they have better forecasters than anyone else on the planet, with pinpoint accuracy of a one hour snow window or...they are hiding something. 

I have complained and will update when I get a reply, assuming it isn't held up by an icy blast or sent to Toronto by mistake.

Swimming

For fear of incurring the murderous wrath of Mrs blog, I nearly didn't write this one! (See previous post)

Mrs B went for a swim last week and on arriving at the pool, was unable to find her swimsuit. She went home to look for it. No joy. 

It turns out ... she was wearing it!!

Near death experience

Last Saturday Mrs blog pulled in to the local garage under the pretext of allowing me to buy a Costa coffee at the express machine. In order to get to the shop door I had to walk in front of the car. She took her chance and drove straight at me.

If I go silent again for an extended period with no blogs, tell the Rozzers!!!