Malta Blog 7 - Lindzy-blog walks fifteen miles an hour

My self, Mrs Blog and NA were planning to have a meal in a part of Malta where we weren't. To get to where we should be, involved a walk north from Valetta, which is where we were. We were to meet Lindzy-Blog at the restaurant later.

The walk had been estimated to be an hour by Lindzy-Blog who assured us that she had done it herself several weeks earlier. Feeling skeptical but not wanting to offend I went along with it.

An hour later we were at Msida, a picturesque harbour town nowhere near St Julians which is where we were hoping to eat.

Half an hour after that we were in the red light district.

Ten minutes after that we were in a bar (not in the red light district) debating the distances.

Eventually we got on a bus which took another fifteen minutes to get to St Julians and the restaurant where we were due to meet Lindzy-Blog. Sure enough she was there, and after interrogation without hindrance of the restrictions of the Geneva Convention we elicited this from Lindzy Blog...

"Well, I didn't start at the same place as you guys!"

Malta Blog 6 - Mr Blog is force fed toast

Place; Malta
Persons in the room; Mrs Blog, Mr Blog, Naughty Alice (NA) and Lindzy-Blog LB)
Time; Breakfast

"Would anyone like any toast?" said NA.

"Not for me Alice, i am off to the bakery to get some fresh bread .! I replied

Ten minutes later...

"Hi Richard, you're back, would you like some toast?" asked NA

"No thanks Alice, I have some fresh bread here, I bought it at the bakery just now."

Two minutes later, Mr Blog eating his fresh bread...

"Richard, you haven't had any toast!" said NA.

"No. But that is alright, I am having fresh bread!"

Two minutes later...

"I am putting on more toast, Richard would you like some more toast?" asked NA.

Mercifully breakfast ended before NA could force feed me!

A picture of me after a Naughty Alice breakfast.

Malta Blog 5 - Mr Blog loses his bum

During my much written about sojourn to Malta recently, I was passing Naughty-ALice in the apartment when she commented,

"You haven't got a bum!"

Quite what she had been thinking I can only guess! However life without a bum could be quite challenging -

• How do you go to the loo?
• How do you sit down?
• How do you stop your legs from falling off?
• How do you do bum exercises? (Click for earlier blog on the subject

It turned out I was wearing a pair of trousers that simply hung in such a way that my rear end was lost to view. Having no need for such a pair of trousers I left them in Malta giving Naughty Alice the opportunity to go on to Facebook and tell the whole interwebtube that I had left my trousers in her bedroom!

Malta Blog 4 - Naughty Alice in contempt of court

Naughty Alice (who seems to be dominating recent blog posts) was once a trainee lawyer. Her training involved sitting in court behind a row of Advocates (senior lawyers in Scotland much like a Barrister south of the border). N-A it seems found this part of her work pretty tedious and to while away the hours, took her knitting with her...

On one occasion, the proceedings were so dull that N-A rested her elbow on the bench in front of her, rested her head on her hand,... and nodded off.

When she awoke it was to an angry judge calling order in the court,  which had been treated to N-A snoring loudly and bringing the proceedings to a halt. Worse still N-A was faced with the humiliating sight of the Macer (Court Official) approaching her with the ball of wool that she had dropped on the floor and had rolled to the front of the court. On the positive side the Macer was kindly winding the wool back up for her!

Malta Blog 3 - Home at 10.87

WHilst in Malta Mrs Blog and I were in a taxi coming home from a night out at an Indian Restaurant.

"How long will it take to get back to the apartment?" asked Mrs Blog.

"Twenty minutes" replied the taxi driver.

"We should be there by about 10.87." said I.

"Oh good, that is not too late." said Mrs Blog.