More confusion and comedy

Mrs Blog has had a bad day so far.

Earlier this morning she enquired of the Greek musical instrument ...the Bazubi

...and then served a comedy bacon roll to BigTomBlog. The comedy was that it contained no bacon!!

Confusion

Last night I found myself confused. The cause was a conversation with Mrs Blog that began with...

"Do you remember that Japanese restaurant in Brighton that you never went to?"

Cream Problems

Hot on the heels of my pill problems comes a problem with creams.

I was eaten alive this week by either,

1. Mosquitoes or,
2. Fleas or 
3. Both

I would not normally bother but the itching was driving me to distraction so I reached for the bite cream. Usually this lessens the itch within a day. However two days later things were no better.

I reached for the cream again. This time with my glasses on.

What I thought was cortysol cream, that i had liberally spread over my dozen bite, wasn cortysol.

It was a cream for athlete's foot. 

Pill problems

Unusually for me I just read the patient information on my pills. Apparently you are not supposed to take Co Drydamol if you are in a coma!!!!

Flour Power

After a prolonged spell of inactivity I am back!

Today saw me trying to make a loaf of bread. As per usual I reached for the bag of flour in the cupboard above me...and that is when things went wrong.

A sneaky bag of gram flour was in the way. I grabbed it, just a little too eagerly. two seconds later I looked like a polar bear. The flour had leaped out of the bag. all over my shirt, trousers, shoes, arm, neck and the floor, diary, bin, Mrs Blog's water bottle and sideboard.

A few curses later I grabbed the vacuum and hoovered up the worst of it. I mopped and wiped the residual evidence and congratulated myself for not smashing anything a fit of temper.

I picked up the vacuum to put it back where Mrs Blog likes to keep it but...

...it opened itself and tipped all the bloody flour back on the floor again. :-)

Aaaargh!!

The sound of silence

For some time I have been planning a podcast on investment. After countless rehearsals I decided to go for it and spend the morning recording.

The sound absorbing panels were in place, the mike was on and the system up and running. From experience I knew that a single recording that could be edited, would be easier and less time consuming than trying to record a perfect episode.

I was wrong.

Two hours of recording this morning yielded not a single second of usable material. Was it the enormity of the task? Overly high expectations on my part?

No. I failed to select the correct sound input - the equivalent of not plugging in the microphone.

Best food for the post-apocalyptic world

Have you ever wondered what the best food is for the post-apocalypse?

It would, ideally, have the longest possible shelf-life. My thoughts had gone no further than tinned goods... until last week. Mrs Blog found a food that makes tins obsolete. What is it?

Beef Jerky!

She read out the sell by date - 2071! A full 52 years.

My ears pricked up. I took the packet and read.

Back to tins I'm afraid. The product code and the date are not the same thing. 😕

Empty promises

All day I waited for the courier who did not turn up. He/she was supposed to deliver an empty box. The plan was that I would fill the box with a laptop, Ipad and projector and return them to the courier. He/she would then deliver them back to my old employer who are the rightful owners.

Why did the courier not turn up? 

Because they didn't think it was worth delivering an empty box!

Bloody bins

You would think that using a recycling bin would be relatively hazard free? Not in the Blog house.

Recently I went to put out the "blue bin" - earmarked for paper, cardboard, plastic and other recyclable waste. All in accord with the Borders Council Thought Police instructions. One of which is that the bin lid must be flat.

I notice our lid was propped up by one bag too many shoved in to the blue bin. "Easy" I thought, "Simply shove the bag in further".

I did.

It burst.

The (non-recyclable) ashes from our fire were in the bag ...but not for much longer.

I celebrated Ash-Wednesday in style.

Modern medical science

A couple of weeks ago I went for a consultation with an orthopaedic consultant. She suggested that a minor operation was needed to solve a problem in my hand.

"Have you got any questions?" she asked.

"Yes. Will I be able to play the guitar after the operation?"

"Yes, absolutely," she replied.

"Great, I've always wanted to play the gutar!"

Organisation and communication

Just over a week ago I was heading off for a long weekend with a bunch of chums to Naples. We agreed to meet at a local car park at 7.15 a.m. Here is a snippet of the conversation...

"Where's David?" asked Mark

"He thought you were picking him up at his house. But he's on his way here now, walking down the hill."

"His house? I said to be at my house! I'll go get him." Off went Mark in his car.

Several minutes later he reappeared.

"Can't find him. I tried my house but he wasn't there."

"No, he said he was walking down the hill, not to your house."

"Oh, I'll get him on the way down the hill!" Off went Mark.

"Where's Mark going, that's the wrong way?" asked three of us simultaneously.

"David will be nearly here anyway"

Just as Mark was out of sight...David appeared.

"Where's Mark?"

"Looking for you. on the wrong hill."

Uneasyhotels

On our visit to Celtic Connections last week, Mrs Blog and I tried out the cost saving facilities of the Easyhotel.

It seems the cost savings are achieved by packing twice as many rooms into the available space as any other hotel chain. If you have ever been in the toilet on a Boeing 737 or Airbus 319 then imagine the same space...

...with a shower and double bed in it, as well as the loo!

Other space saving initiatives included removing the washer from the tap.

If you like wet feet when you pay a nighttime visit to the little room, this is the hotel for you!

Sadly I couldn't find a supplier of dead cats in Sauchiehall Street and was unable to prove a point to the receptionist.

Celtic Connections

We popped off to Glasgow for a much anticipated concert last week. The Blogs are great fans of Celtic music and Celtic Connections seemed destined to fit the bill.

The organisers had decided to invite an orchestra from North West Spain. (I can only surmise that Galicia was once part of Dal Riada). The orchestra brought a small choir with them who sang about seagulls. The song didn't have any words and seemed to be more of a group impersonation of seagulls fighting over a bag of chips on the seafront at Aberdeen.

Still the Galicians seemed to have a ball. One of them thanked us for the "worm welcome"

...and then thanked us for "our enery". Sadly they didn't specify which one. Still a good time had by all!

I love Dutch people!!!

In the Times today there is a report of a Dutchman being arrested in the Netherlands. He was on probation when he caused a disturbance at his ex-wife's house. When he arrived at the police station he pulled out of his pocket a "get out of jail free" card from a monopoly set. Apparently the officers had a laugh and locked him up.