London - some people love it. I can take it or leave it. Just back from three days in "The Smoke" and ready to stab someone, in fact ready to stab anyone!! Indeed if the beer sprite had not come to rescue me I might now be arrested and be facing lengthy police investigations. ( See picture)

Why so aggressive you ask? Because Londoners cannot bloody walk!!
It starts off that you get to London and you don't know where exactly you are going in the station or airport, but seemingly every other bugger does and you are getting "in their way". Not only
"in their way" but they are going fast and I mean fast - like the world is going to end. Which means you are likely to cause a fatal accident just trying to get to the exit. Because all the Londoners are doing the same thing at the same time - you will be the one left carrying the can if you do cause an accident. However after ten minutes you begin to get the hang of it and you start walking fast too. This is only a good thing, if by now, you know exactly where you are going. If you don't you could end up in Harrods when you wanted to be in Madame Tussauds.
For me, luckily, I knew where I was going. This leads to the next problem - deviants! There are far too many deviants in my view and London would be a better place without them. These are the Londoners who walk at the right speed but cannot walk in the right direction - they almost have it but not quite. So there you are walking directly to the exit, tube, wherever and there is the deviant slightly ahead of you and to the right (or left) and they start to deviate. Not at first in any noticeable way but relentlessly and unerringly they stray right in front of you. Naturally manners dictate that as they are slightly ahead - you give way. When you do they are now on the left (or right) ......and a minute later they deviate the other bloody way!! I followed one person all the way up Leadenhall street and counted 6 zigs and 5 zags in 800 yds.
The only thing worse than a deviant Londoner is the deviant Londoner with a roller-bag (See evidence below)! These bastards extend their footprint by dragging a bloody suitcase on wheels behind them. This means that they can not only force you to put up with their veering but, with the nasty little trick of "last minute change of direction"  can hospitalise you wiht serious ligament and tendon damage.
So there you have it - the case for the defence!!!