Cheese humour

Met daughter-blog earlier this week and picked up some cheese jokes that are crying out for a wider audience.

I was in sainsburys and went past the cheese counter. The guy there threw a lump of cheddar at me. I thought "That's not very mature!"

Just after that a ball of cheese exploded. There was de-brie everywhere.

A piece of cheese looked in the mirror and said "Hallo, me"!!

Communication problems

Mrs Blog was out shopping today. Not any old shopping though, this was Christmas shopping.

"Would you like to see what I have bought?" asked Mrs Blog when she returned.

"OK" said I, (I know the right answer in these situations).

"Right, but you musn't look!"

Is it me????

Scientific discoveries

You may have seen on the web(and possibly in real life) that if you take a large bottle of coke and shake it up, then take the top off, it will behave like a missile. Brown froth gushes out of the opening and the bottle goes haphazardly in the opposite direction.

Today I discovered, quite by chance, that there is an alternative method. I happened upon it when I left my cold cup of coffee in the microwave to heat up for a little too long. By adding a teaspoon of sugar to the scalding hot coffee, you get a brown gushy fluid all over the kitchen floor. It seemed not to have the strength to move the coffee cup, which is mildly disappointing.

Sadly this experiment leaves you with absolutely none of the coffee in the cup afterwards.

Heading for divorce

That's it! The line has been crossed. After nearly 27 years Mr and Mrs Blog are heading for separation. The reason is "unreasonable behaviour" by Mrs Blog.

Mrs Blog had sore teeth. I identified that this was probably curable by using a special toothpaste which I have been using for over five years.

"Why not try my sensitive toothpaste?" I suggested (foolishly as it turned out).

That night after Mrs Blog was in bed asleep I went to brush my teeth and found this...

Yes. Mrs Blog mauled my tube, going for the strangulation method of squeezing out the paste rather than the civilised "end-squeeze"!!

It's all over!

Struggling to be funny

As regulars know I like to find humour where I can. Today, Mrs Blog,texted me to say,

"Can you pick up 6 aaa batteries and 12 aa batteries?"

I saw an opportunity and replied,

"So, you want 42 a's then?"

Quick as a flash,

"No. 6 aaa and 12 aa batteries!!"

Missing Persons

Earlier this week I was at the gym, or more correctly the changing room having just been to the gym. I have provided a detailed diagram so you will know exactly where I was.

The changing room is at 3, the gym at 2 and the swimming pool is at 1. (I haven't drawn the swimming pool because I ran out of space)Wh.

While I was getting dressed one of the attendants popped his head round the door and asked me if two men had just walked in. As they hadn't I replied "no". 

It seems that two guys walked from the swimming pool (2) and never made it to the gym (1) and as they were not where I was (3) and there was no other unlocked door they could have gone through, they have been deemed missing.

I have, rather helpfully, provided a "fotofit" picture based on the descriptions I was given.

Strange things

Been a weird few days in the Blog household.

Mrs Blog wondered if Stuart Lancaster played for Australia. Then she observed that the insoles she bought were more comfortable when she put the left one in her left shoe and....

Tonight she complained that I was spoiling things after she asked me to stuff a pumpkin into a pair of fish net tights. (Don't ask!!!)