Haunted by needles

All the talk of Covid 19 vaccines and Flu vaccines has forced Mr Blog to deal with haunting memories of teenage injections.

From the age of 12 I started having hayfever injections. This was a major development in treatment and the three fortnightly shots gave me whole summers of relief. By the age of 15 I was a seasoned regular looking forward to benefits of my tenth treatment. When I pitched up I was told of a new procedure. 

"The Doctor doesnt administer the injections any more, you'll be seen by a nurse."

"No problem," I replied.

Several minutes later I was ushered into the treatment room by a stunning looking young nurse. I resolved not to let myself down in front of her. I knew the drill so I acted as nonchalantly as I could. i dropped my trousers, my boxers and bent over just as I had nine times before. 

The nurse turned round and said,

"Oh! These go in the arm!"

I discovered two things that day,

1. You cannot look nonchalant in all situations
2. Some memories are so seared into your mind you will never forget them

Convenient Coffee

Today we ran out of coffee. Not any old coffee but Daughter-blog's favourite coffee - New Mexico Pinon. (No I'd never heard of it either!)

Unable to standy by and see her suffer, I logged on to my best friend, Mr Google. He quickly showed me I could buy 350g of the stuff for the bargain price of £45. Stunned, I did some more research. It seems it sells in the US for a less stunning $11 so either "The Don" doesn't want us to have it or Boris has slapped a tariff on it. 

Undeterred I checked for retailers nearer to home. 25 miles or less to be precise. Google duly pointed me to "Cost Plus World". Yippee! 

Except that Cost Plus World is in Oakland, California. 

Being one for precision I wanted to know just how much more than 25 miles that might be from the Blog-house...

Yes...5,053 miles. By my reckoning I could walk there at a brisk pace in just over two years as long as I dont take a day off. 

If the next post you read is dated 2024 you'll know I'm just back.

Renamed

 

Sometimes you follow a line of logic that seems sensible at the time. Then it bites you on the backside.

Today was one of those days.

We have a tradition in the Blog-House of having a curry on Christmas Eve. The cooking of said curry is done by me. I noticed we were out of base-sauce and the necessary home-made curry powders so I set about making them this morning.

Mrs Blog, correctly spotted that the vast amounts of Tumeric involved represented a clear and present danger to my one and only white shirt. Despite wearing an apron with "Wifey" on it she thought I was under-protected. She wanted to run upstairs and grab an old T shirt for me to change into. 

Logic suggested that having her "run" up the stairs would do her dodgy knee no good at all. So...I took my white  shirt off, put on the the apron again and carried on.

Thirty minutes later Mrs Blog was in Sainsburys and ran into our friends the Kipford-Couzen-Blogs. They had been dropping off Christmas cards around the town and remarked,

"Was he cooking bare-chested?" 

"Yes" said Mrs Blog

"Better call him the naked chef!"

I tried to draw the scene...

Algorithms and Adverts

 As I am sure you are aware clever people have been designing algorithms to enusre you see adverts that truly appeal to you. This is based, apparently, on how you use the internet. 

I strongly suspect that someone has invented one that reads my blog. I deduced this from an advert that appeared minutes ago on my email account. It must have been reading my last few posts and decided it knew exactly what Mrs Blog wanted for Christmas...

...the email heading was "Ideal gifts for her"...

...the sender was ...

BORDERS GUNS! 

I kid you not.

Where's Wally?

In a recent post I referenced "Where's Wally?" which seems to have precipitated something in Mrs Blog.

Below is a detailed picture of the bedroom. See if you can find my golf trousers...

I ask this because I struggled. (It was an hour before my game was due to tee off)

In the drawer of the chest of drawers where they are normally found? No

In any of the other drawers? No

Under the bed? No

On top of the bed? Clearly...No

Hanging up in a cupboard? No

Downstairs on a radiator, clothes horse, in the washing machine or on the clothes line? No

In the lounge, bathroom, dining room, kitchen? No

In desperation I texted Mrs Blog.

Where were they?? 

Under the bloody duvet! Doh! The first place I should have looked!

Technology Old and New

Mrs Blog has been on a learning curve with modern technology. She has moved on from a mere laptop to an IPad and has few problems worthy of mention.

Whilst she has been making leaps forward on this front, it has affected her grasp of old-fashioned technology.

Last week she was seen trying to charge up her library book.

This post could go up every day!

 

If you've ever read "Where's Wally?" this could be right up your street.

This week I spent a fruitless five minutes looking for my reading glasses.

See if you can find them in the complext scenario reproduced below...

Being kind

I think I'm in trouble

Ever since lockdown started the Blog Kids have been home. Mrs Blog likes to encourage them to be nice to everyone (she long ago gave up on me).

Last week a card appeared stuck to a cupboard in the kitchen at eye-height. It reads...

"Spread kindness like peanut butter"

I added, "with a knife"!

More confusion from DB

Daughter-blog (DB) was with us when we went to Kelso this week. Given the last post she needed a break from technology.So we found ourselves at Floors Castle (The Duke of Buccleuch's gaff) in the twee tea rooms. Having ordered a selection of home-cooked goodies we sat waiting with eager anticipation.

A toasted sandwich and a quiche-sort-of thing turned up which we knew they were for DB and Mrs Blog. To end any doubt DB offered the following helpful guidance...

"I'm the tart!"

Mixing up the dates

 

It has been far too long since I blogged. 

My children are home due to various lockdown restrictions and have, many times, implored me to start again, so here goes.

(Thanks to daughter-blog (DB) I am amassing the much-needed material for posts).

Not able to go out and meet eligble bachelors in Edinburgh DB has been busy using modern technology.

She logged on to a site which promised to expand her social circles. Undoubtedly the site is host to millions of suitable young men in Scotland. Sadly DB will never know. 

She put in the wrong gender on her profile and provided countless men with what I can only assume was ... disappointment.