Year of the dragon

Whilst under the influence of alcohol I once started trying to speak like some one from the Orient. Where they mispronounce their R and L sounds. It was mildly amusing or at least made mildly amusing by the alcohol.

Then more recently I was sitting on a FlyBe flight and I began to wonder what an Oriental person would sound like doing the safety briefing...It is best to have two drinks before trying to read this out loud.

"Good mawning and wehcome on bald diss FryBe fright to Blister (Bristol). Prease take your seats and prace any rarge items of hand ruggage under the seat in flont of you. Smawrer items can be praced in the ovahhead rockers.

Prease now pay attention to this impawtent safety bleefing.

Yoah seat bert fastens and unfastens as shown

There is a safety instluction reafret in the seat pocket in flont of you that shows you the clash position if you heah the words “Blace Blace!”

There are four emuhgency exits on bald, two at the flont of the prane one reft and one light and two at the leah one reft and one light. Row reveh righting wirr guide you to these exits.

In the event of sudden deplessulisation, masks rike these wirr farr from the panerrs above your head. Prace the mask over yuah nose and mouff and bleathe normarry. The mask is sekkuahed using the erastic stlaps. Prease fit your own mask befoah hepping anybuddy erse.

In the event of a randing on watah, prease take the rife vest out of the prastic covah. Prace it ovah yuah head and secuah it using the stlaps in a dubber  knot at the flont on the reft. Do not infrate the rife vest untir you are outside the prane! To infrate the rife vest paw down on the led toggah. Theah is a tube for ferver infration or defration. A right that wirr irruminate in watah and a whissuh fah attlacting attention.

Once we are in the clews we wirr commence the comprimentary dlinks sahviss

Prease sit back, lerax and enjoy this shuht fright wiv us."