Malta Blog 2 - Naughty Alice's Knickers

On our now world famous holiday in Malta, Mr and Mrs Blog were hosted by Lindzy-Blog and her mother Naughty Alice, hitherto friends of the Blog family.

I say "hitherto" because on the one hand we are not sure how welcome we were at their apartment in Malta and on the other they may never speak to us again after this posting. By way of explanation we were greeted at the airport by NA and LB who saw us safely onto a Maltese bus and off again at the town of Bugibba. We ascended two flights of stairs to the apartment and were then shown to our room and its lovely views of the

Bugibba skyline...


Either they did not want us there or it was an honest mistake, if it was an honest mistake then I doubt Naughty Alice will ever speak to us again!

Malta Blog 1 - Mrs Blog stuck in the bog

Bowing to overwhelming demand by readers of this drivel (in other words two people asked for this), I have decided to write up the Malta blogs. (See 26-3-14 - Malta - A Blogger's Paradise)

Mrs Blog and I had a few days on the lovely island of Malta last week, staying free and gratis with Lindzy-Blog and her mother, Naughty Alice. You may wish to read "More Misunderstandings 17-4-11 for background on Naughty Alice).

(We had flown there with Ryanair, who are a bit like Easyjet, but with less tolerance and less customer care. They are not the sort to muck about with, as they will charge you £50 at the drop of a hat for anything they can think of). 

We had only been there one day, when Mrs Blog got stuck in the toilet of the flat (rented by Lindzy-Blog from a Maltese guy). My first thought was total panic, if Mrs Blog stayed stuck for three more days we would be negotiating with Ryanair for a change to our return flight and that would cost me a packet! Then it dawned on me that Ryanair was the least of my worries. Lindzy-Blog was moving out of the flat in a week's time; if Mrs Blog was still in the toilet at that stage it could cost me a deposit and a six month lease agreement! 

Truly panicked I tried to talk Mrs Blog our of the toilet, "try pushing the door a little harder" I suggested. She did and the door opened saving me at least E2,000 in the blink of an eye!

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 4/4

Finally I rang the "helpline " at Vodafone again. There is by the way no option for "voice mail problems" so I did my usual trick and opted for bill payments (these folks are usually keen to talk to you when they can get money from you).

EVentually I went through the first tier support, then spoke to the "technical guy" who managed to confirm that indeed there was a problem with my voicemail account. He, though, was not the man to fix it. It needed to be escalated to the  "Network team"!

The Network team will not speak to you though. Only Vodafone people can speak to the Network team. They do not work very fast in the Network team either, I was told 72 hours was the process time to fix my issue. Regular readers will know I am apt to get a but grumpy with things like this.

"Can I complain to someone about this?"

"No"

"Surely there is someone who takes complaints?"

"You can speak to my manager but it won't do any good!"

"So, you don't care about customers complaining then? What about if I write a blog about how bad your service is and stick on Twitter??"

No impact at all. Having been through this before I asked to speak to the "Cancellation Team". Vodafone doesn't like losing money (despite the extreme lengths they go to to do just that, by upsetting their customers).

At the time of writing I am still waiting to speak to them....

To be continued?

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 3/4

Rather than dial the same people who had given me the incorrect PIN I decided to resort to the web. I went to log on to my Vodafone account and it decided it didn't like my username or password but would not tell me which one it didn't like.

Undeterred, I went through the new password process and tried again.

"We are sorry this service is unavailable - please try later."

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 2/4

Following my return to the UK I decided to call Vodafone on 191 guessing correctly that in doing so I would not be upsetting the Maltese Ambulance services.Easier said than done since Vodafone decided to cut off my signal by doing "something" to a mast.

After a fifteen mile drive I managed to reconnect with Vodafone and they said I would receive a text with a new PIN shortly and everything would be fine.

The PIN duly arrived and I set off home knowing that I could now access my voicemails from my landline by using the new PIN.

If only!! I got home, I dialed the number and I entered the PIN.

"The PIN you have entered is incorrect and your voicemail account is now locked!!"

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 1/4

I was on holiday in Malta last week and took my mobile phone - for some reason I have not learned my lesson and I am still with Vodafone.

I tried to access my voicemail and entered the PIN only to be told that Vodafone did not like that PIN (I checked it was correct) and they locked my voicemail.  Never mind though they sent me a text telling me to dial 191.

I did and spoke to the Malta Ambulance Emergency Services!!

Royal Bank of Scotland - I love them

Sometimes when you think you are hitting an online service brick wall you are proved wrong!

Below is a cut and paste from my chat with RBS online banking help agent Adam...

Adam: Hi, you're chatting with Adam. How may I help you?

RICHARD: I want to cancel a direct debit but your system will not let me. It tells me to call your telephone direct banking BUT - there is no option to cancel Direct Debits!!!

Adam: Hello Richard

Adam: You should be able to cancel a direct debit online

RICHARD: Hello Adam

RICHARD: I know but it will not let me that is why I am talking to you!

Adam: If you click "payments and transfers" and then under the heading "standing orders and direct debits" there is a drop down box where you can select "manage direct debits"

Adam: If you click that, you can select the direct debit and click "cancel"

Adam: What happens when you try?#

RICHARD: Stop stop stop - read what I have written

RICHARD: It tells me to call Direct Banking like I said before!

RICHARD: I have cancelled many DD in the past so I know how to do it - it simply does not let me on this DD

Adam: Would you like me to see if I can do it?

RICHARD: YES please!!

Adam: Can I take your full name please?

RICHARD: Richard Leeson

Adam: Thank you

Adam: Could you please confirm the last four digits of the account number for me?

RICHARD: m@#+~

Adam: Which direct debit is it?

RICHARD: Times Newspapers

Adam: Great

Adam: I've cancelled that for you

Adam: I'd recommending informing The Times too to let them know

Adam: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

RICHARD: Thanks Adam!! Have a lovely evening and may the sun shine on you wherever you go.

Adam: Thanks for chatting with me today.

Malta - A Blogger's Paradise

A four day trip to Malta, which ended last night, gave up so much blog material that I decided to simply list the headings of the possible blogs in this post...

1. Mrs Blog stuck in the bog
2. Naughty Alice's Knickers
3. Home at 10.87 p.m.
4. Naughty Alice in contempt of court
5. Mr Blog loses his bottom
6. Mr Blog is force fed toast
7. Lindzy-Blog walks fifteen miles in an hour

I have not decided yet whether or not to elucidate, but might be persuaded if there were comments encouraging me to do so!!

Menopausal Hypothermia

Mrs Blog turned the heating off as a "slight chemical imbalance" left her feeling warm. Sadly, reality in Scotland in March is not warm and I am in danger of dying of hypothermia. I wonder if I am unique?

Mrs Blog'sBirthday

Mrs Blog headed south on Sunday to celebrate her birthday with the Sussex-Blogs, leaving Mr Blog at home.

Mrs Blog rang at 5.10 in the afternoon to say she had arrived safely and, knowing that she had been awake since 6.00 a.m. and driven 400 miles, I was pretty sure she would be out like a light by 8.00 p.m. Wrong!

She rang at 18.50 to ask if would be ready for a Skype call with the assembled Sussex-Blogs in ten minutes time (19.00 by my reckoning).At 21.00 they got round to Skyping. I figured that maybe Mrs Blog had been busy chatting. Wrong!

At 21.24. Usually in our house any call after 21.00 means a family tragedy at the very least. Not so, a giggly (and maybe tiddly) Mrs Blog was at the other end of the phone, asking if I could remember any Cockney rhyming slang!! Just the kind of question I was ready to answer. She then went on to claim that I had once lived in Essex and therefore should know loads of rhyming slang; I have never lived remotely close to Essex, the Bow Bells or Albert Square.

Here's hoping the trouble and strife reads this!!