Otter beard

Recent posts have featured Son-blog in a number of pictures sporting his facial fur. Until now I had thought that he had followed the movement towards "lumbersexual" and was eschewing the teenage look of One Direction. This look involves growing an excessively long beard in an attempt to look like a cross between a lumberjack and a metrosexual man.

I then discovered this link and when I followed I realised that Son-blog has in fact been working unpaid for an american animal rescue charity. More to the point his beard has a life of its own, swims and drinks milk!

http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/this-is-what-it-takes-to-teach-a-baby-otter-to-be-an-otter--lkEn1X7Hve

Happy New Year to both my readers!!

Work outs

Following the festive blow-out I decided to lead by example and head to the gym.

Son and daughter blog came along and daughter-blog took the lead with son-blog offering to teach him what she has learned since starting at "Cross Fit". (Not sure which sense the word Cross is used in).

So I expected to see son-blog doing this...

Or perhaps this...

So it was a surprise to turn around and see this...

The true meaning of Christmas

Just back from Church where our Polish priest gave a sermon on the message of the gospel. "Trust and Pensions". I was suddenly alert when I would normally be nodding off. Being in financial services I am aware of the seismic changes to our pension rules coming in to force next year and I wondered if there was some divine angle that I needed to be aware of. Added to that I have been promoting the advantages of trusts for over twenty five years. This could be the most personally relevant sermon of my entire life!

I listened intently, but there was not one single reference to annuities, retirement age or beneficiaries. Then I realised it was about "Trust and Patience".

Drink problems

Earlier today Daughter-blog and I were at the bottle bank doing our civic duty and disposing of a generous number of empty bottles. Just after we pulled up Gordon arrived and did the same.

"We had more bottles than he did!" said Daughter-blog proudly

"I know," said I, shame-faced, "But he runs a thirty-six room hotel!!"

(PS George-blog is off the hook!)

Geographical Challenges

Nephew-George-Blog (of the Sussex-Blogs) has been touring South America and keeping us all up to date with his own blog. Entitled "The other idiot abroad" - there is a link on the right hand side of the page, scroll down till you get there - it is more amusing than this load of drivel.

So - he has had a free plug from me, you might think he is at the very least reading my posts, but no!

By the miracles of blogger I can see where in the world my readers are, this month includes China, Russia, US, UK, Japan and Ukraine. Argentina? Uruguay? Not a sniff! 

Kids Home

The festive season has seen the blog-kids return home which means ample opportunities for blog material between now and the New Year.

Son-blog did not disappoint - on his first evening home he brushed his hair forward over his bearded face...

Knife hazards

Many times I have warned Mrs Blog about eh dangers of handling sharp knives. At the forefront of my mind was the risk of injury, especially the sudden loss of body parts.

So when Mrs Blog called out that she had done something with the sharpest knife we own and needed my help, I was ready to leap up with a bandage and bucket of ice, whilst simultaneously dialling 999 on the phone. No need for panic, it was embedded in a butternut squash...

Non-festive handwash

Mrs Blog has been shopping and, as his her wont, she purchased a natty looking handwash. Decorated in silver it looks pretty expensive, visitors are sure to be impressed!

Sadly, if the visitors are to stay impressed, they will need to make sure they don't actually use it!! I did and my hands smelled like Heinz Baked Beans for an hour!

Custard is a bullied bully

Custard, the eldest of our chickens, has been suffering from a bit of bullying for the last couple of months . The culprits are a pair of crows who fly in to the coop area and eat any bread they find. Custard has been pretending not to notice, almost certainly because she is scared of a fight, despite the fact that the crows are half her size and none too fast.

This week I saw her fighting back, not against the crows but a...blue tit! Custard has a way of running that makes her look like a toddler with a dirty nappy and the sight of her running back and forth across the garden, trying to out pace a flighted bird has made my week!

Geography Degree

Son-blog was just on the phone asking for thoughts on a topic for a geography assignment. After five minutes chatting with an 'O' level grade D geography student (me) he talked himself in to "going down the glaciology route."

He might be on a slippery slope :-)

Text Problems

Lately Mrs Blog has discovered new tech skills which she is applying to her smart phone. The manifestation of these skills is a daily text to my mobile with my horoscope for the day ahead. Since the text has a lot of content it arrives in bits and pieces on my old Nokia handset leading to occasional confusion.

Today I received two texts as follows,

"txt ,missing...bad is waiting for you...txt missing"

"txt missing ...is there a bogeyman hiding under you...txt missing"

I checked and there was no bogeyman hiding under me so I am waiting to see if the same level of accuracy will apply to the first part of the text. If there are no posts for a while you can draw your own conclusions!

Ukrainian fans

One of the features of this blog is that I can identify by country and by post, where and what is being read in the world of inane drivel.

In the last week I seem to have attracted a large following in Ukraine and they seem to be reading Unexplained Mysteries -

This was a post about yoghurt and a trip to London. With everything else that is going on in Ukraine it is heartening that some of its residents have devoted their time to reading the post. I hope one of the readers might put up a comment and explain... why?

(Perhaps they have the answer to the strawberry yoghurt mystery???)

Unexplained mysteries

Last night I was in Aberdeen visiting Daughter-Blog. At the start of the evening I told her of a trip I took to London about thirteen years ago. I was waiting in the queue to check in at B.A. at 5.00a.m. (in the days before online check in) and there was a guy in front of me who was asked whether or not he had any food items in his hand luggage.
"Yes," he replied, and proceeded to take out sixteen pots of strawberry yoghurt. It raises a few questions...

1. Was he going to eat all the yoghurt on a one hour flight?
2. If not why take it on the flight?
3. Was there a likelihood of a London yoghurt shortage at that time of the morning?
4. Why all strawberry?
5. What is wrong with other flavours?

Daughter-blog then added ....

"I had yoghurt in my handbag once!"

"How did that happen?" I asked.

"I sneezed!"

I can only cope with so many yoghurt mysteries so I didn't ask!!

Mustard makes a contribution

About four months ago we acquired three bantam hens named Custard, Mustard and Flustered.

Custard, being older has been laying pretty well since settling all those months ago. Yesterday, Mustard joined the party with a half-hearted effort.

Careful what you wish for...

Last night, mate-blog-David complained that I haven't been putting up many of my works of art lately...

Best pun of the year!

Last week Mrs Blog was making a salad for our tea, the usual mixed leaves with a dressing. Suddenly she had inspiration!

"Would you like Greek cheese on your salad?" she asked.

"No thanks," I replied optimistically.

"Well. it's too late, you're having it anyway!"

"Ah, a Fetaccompli!"

Stylist found

In a recent post click here to read  I explained about a style problem at the local tip. Yesterday I was at the very same tip when I heard the following...

"Hey, you've dressed up. Is that so people won't think you work here?"

It seems mate-blog read the blog!

Bad joke!

You can't trust atoms...they make up everything!

Murder and mystery

Saturday night found me and Mrs Blog out for the night in Edinburgh on a murder mystery tour.

I cannot confess to being enthusiastically expectant before the event. In the end, the evening involved a man who looked and sounded like Charlie Drake, making up parts of stories about murders in Edinburgh, whilst campaigning for a Yes vote in the referendum after the event, and claiming that the speculum owes its existence to the witchcraft trials of the 16th century.

We know how to have a night out!!

Stylist needed!

It is that time of the year when the leaves need to be dealt with. I packed the car up with five bags of the damn things and a shamefully large collection of empty wine bottles and headed to the local recycling centre.

It was one of those mornings when the sun burns off the early morning mist and promises a fine afternoon. To add to the mood enhancing qualities of the weather, I found that I had the tip to myself! As I was dispensing with the last bag when the bubble cruelly burst,

"Where do electrical good go?" asked a man who had just arrived.

"Well, it used to be over there!" I offered, being helpful.

"Oh, sorry! I thought you worked here!" said the man.

This afternoon will be spent clothes shopping.

Farewell Flustered

Two weeks ago we palmed our three chickens, (Custard, Mustard and Flustered) off to the farmer from whom we bought them. We were in need of a holiday and so were they.

When we returned and went to retrieve them we brought back only Custard and Mustard. Flustered, who had been pecked by the other two and looked like a vulture from Jungle Book...did not return.

Before you shed a tear, Flustered is alive and well. It turns out the Flustered is not a "she-chicken" but a "he-chicken" and as such would make a right royal racket every morning. If we kept him, we could expect dawn raids from the community police and neighbourhood watch.

Flustered was last seen in a coop with eight she-chickens winking at us!

.

More aging problems

As mentioned in the last post I have been suffering with signs of middle age,

Whilst on holiday in France last week my hearing was called in to question twice in a single afternoon trying to work out what Mrs Blog had just said.

"Oh look human cheese!" she exclaimed in an outdoor market. Stunned and with my mind racing at the possibility I turned to see and discovered it was in fact cumin cheese.

Later the same day she remarked, "look lovely autistic postcards!" The town we were staying in is famous as a home to Matisse so I should have worked out she meant "artistic postcards".

There is no hope :-(

Age problems

Last week I was on holiday in France where the weather was far better than I had anticipated. This unexpected good fortune led me to buy three T shirts so that I would be appropriately attired. Two days later, having worn the mid-blue and the white T shirt, found me desperately trying to find the third, white T shirt. No luck - I tried searching three times (pure coincidence) but to no avail.

In desperation I asked Mrs Blog to help and she did...

"The third T shirt wasn't white it was dark blue," she said.

Hen Holidays

Mrs Blog and I are away on holiday to France. This means we needed to find someone and somewhere to put the bloody chickens before we left.

First place to put them was in a cardboard box, so that we could transport them to the second place, a farm in the middle of nowhere. Easier said than done. "Herding cats" has become a figure of speech for describing difficult tasks which, in my opinion (IMO for all the young texters) should now be "herding Chickens"!

After wasting half an hour of perfectly good drinking time I finally resorted to threatening them with some Ozzy Osbourne treatment. Job done!

(For those struggling with the reference check out http://kosmo.hubpages.com/hub/The-26-Craziest-Things-Ozzy-Osbourne-Ever-Did Number 11)

Flustered is flustered

In my recent post "Back Again" I mentioned that there were three additions to the blog-household. These are, Custard, Mustard and Flustered, who are collectively Mrs Blog's chickens.

Custard is the oldest and a fully grown hen, Mustard is half grown and Flustered, who is broadly the same age as Mustard, is an under-sized specimen. Custard has established the pecking order and with visible results that show that Flustered is at the bottom of our "bantam food chain".

Flustered has had all the feathers around her neck pecked off, which makers her look like one of the vultures from Jungle Book only much much smaller.

Total Wally of the week!

Having enjoyed a dig at my mate Steve this week it is only fair that I should "fess up" (as the gangstas say) to my own moment of sheer stupidity.

"Hi is that AutoGlass?"

"Yes"

"I booked my car in for a replacement window to be fitted tomorrow."

"Yes we have it here.  You had a twelve inch long crack in it."

"Well... I thought I did, but when I checked, it isn't there after all! I think it might have been sap from a tree that dripped down on the windscreen!"

The emotional cringe can only be described as call-centre revenge!

Whalley of the week 2

Having realised that Steve was not the most tech savvy person in my circle of friends I took full advantage in the car driving back from Glasgow after watching Art Garfunkel do his thing.

"I'll just phone Kate," said Steve reaching for his beyond-him-techy-Iphone.

Moments later he said "Ah, been cut off!"

"Yes Steve," said I, "That's because we are doing 70 mph. If you go over forty the return signal can't find you, it looks for where you were when you speaking."

Not entirely sure if was taken as a joke!

Whalley of the week

On Monday I went to a concert (Art Garfunkel)  in Glasgow with a mate of mine - Steve Whalley.

During the interval we had the following conversation,

Steve: "I wonder what the score is in the England Switzerland match?"

"Well you have an Iphone there Steve why not use that to find out?"

"Yeah. I'll text Kate."

"?????"

Two minutes later,

"Kate doesn't know."

"But Steve it's an Iphone why not go on the internet and search for the result?"

"I haven't got a WiFi connection."

"But you've got 3G  - you showed me earlier."

"Does that let you get on the internet then?"

The score was 2-0 if you need to know!

Prodigal return

Friday past saw the return of Number-one-son-blog (in fact only son-blog) from a seven week trip to Indonesia. Mrs Blog and I had agreed to pick him up from Glasgow airport which as it turned out was an act of kindness for both Son-Blog and the population of the central belt of Scotland recently swelled by thousands of athletes for the Commonwealth Games.

For 55 hours Son-Blog had travelled on coach, ferry and four planes dressed like this...

Thank God he had grown a beard - at least that way we was not recognised by anyone who knows us!

Back Again

After trying to start a new blog with a slightly different "feel to it, I have given up and reverted to the old fashioned tried and tested Mk1 blog style.

To kick things off, and there is a lot of material floating about at the moment, I need to introduce three new additions to the Blog household...

Yes, Mrs Blog has finally bought three chickens to go in the coop I bought her last March (2013) - best not rush these things eh? So welcome to Custard, Mustard and Flustered, the last of which is aptly named and is the smallest of the three.

Apparently I upset them by showing them the ingredients for my morning omelette!

Important!! Last Post

After four years and nearly 30,000 hits I am moving to a new site

http://drivelandwisdomtoo.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank you to all regular readers.

Please enter your email in the box under the title of the new blog to receive automatic updates on all the usual drivel and banality!!

Mr Blog

Malta Blog 7 - Lindzy-blog walks fifteen miles an hour

My self, Mrs Blog and NA were planning to have a meal in a part of Malta where we weren't. To get to where we should be, involved a walk north from Valetta, which is where we were. We were to meet Lindzy-Blog at the restaurant later.

The walk had been estimated to be an hour by Lindzy-Blog who assured us that she had done it herself several weeks earlier. Feeling skeptical but not wanting to offend I went along with it.

An hour later we were at Msida, a picturesque harbour town nowhere near St Julians which is where we were hoping to eat.

Half an hour after that we were in the red light district.

Ten minutes after that we were in a bar (not in the red light district) debating the distances.

Eventually we got on a bus which took another fifteen minutes to get to St Julians and the restaurant where we were due to meet Lindzy-Blog. Sure enough she was there, and after interrogation without hindrance of the restrictions of the Geneva Convention we elicited this from Lindzy Blog...

"Well, I didn't start at the same place as you guys!"

Malta Blog 6 - Mr Blog is force fed toast

Place; Malta
Persons in the room; Mrs Blog, Mr Blog, Naughty Alice (NA) and Lindzy-Blog LB)
Time; Breakfast

"Would anyone like any toast?" said NA.

"Not for me Alice, i am off to the bakery to get some fresh bread .! I replied

Ten minutes later...

"Hi Richard, you're back, would you like some toast?" asked NA

"No thanks Alice, I have some fresh bread here, I bought it at the bakery just now."

Two minutes later, Mr Blog eating his fresh bread...

"Richard, you haven't had any toast!" said NA.

"No. But that is alright, I am having fresh bread!"

Two minutes later...

"I am putting on more toast, Richard would you like some more toast?" asked NA.

Mercifully breakfast ended before NA could force feed me!

A picture of me after a Naughty Alice breakfast.

Malta Blog 5 - Mr Blog loses his bum

During my much written about sojourn to Malta recently, I was passing Naughty-ALice in the apartment when she commented,

"You haven't got a bum!"

Quite what she had been thinking I can only guess! However life without a bum could be quite challenging -

• How do you go to the loo?
• How do you sit down?
• How do you stop your legs from falling off?
• How do you do bum exercises? (Click for earlier blog on the subject

It turned out I was wearing a pair of trousers that simply hung in such a way that my rear end was lost to view. Having no need for such a pair of trousers I left them in Malta giving Naughty Alice the opportunity to go on to Facebook and tell the whole interwebtube that I had left my trousers in her bedroom!

Malta Blog 4 - Naughty Alice in contempt of court

Naughty Alice (who seems to be dominating recent blog posts) was once a trainee lawyer. Her training involved sitting in court behind a row of Advocates (senior lawyers in Scotland much like a Barrister south of the border). N-A it seems found this part of her work pretty tedious and to while away the hours, took her knitting with her...

On one occasion, the proceedings were so dull that N-A rested her elbow on the bench in front of her, rested her head on her hand,... and nodded off.

When she awoke it was to an angry judge calling order in the court,  which had been treated to N-A snoring loudly and bringing the proceedings to a halt. Worse still N-A was faced with the humiliating sight of the Macer (Court Official) approaching her with the ball of wool that she had dropped on the floor and had rolled to the front of the court. On the positive side the Macer was kindly winding the wool back up for her!

Malta Blog 3 - Home at 10.87

WHilst in Malta Mrs Blog and I were in a taxi coming home from a night out at an Indian Restaurant.

"How long will it take to get back to the apartment?" asked Mrs Blog.

"Twenty minutes" replied the taxi driver.

"We should be there by about 10.87." said I.

"Oh good, that is not too late." said Mrs Blog.

Malta Blog 2 - Naughty Alice's Knickers

On our now world famous holiday in Malta, Mr and Mrs Blog were hosted by Lindzy-Blog and her mother Naughty Alice, hitherto friends of the Blog family.

I say "hitherto" because on the one hand we are not sure how welcome we were at their apartment in Malta and on the other they may never speak to us again after this posting. By way of explanation we were greeted at the airport by NA and LB who saw us safely onto a Maltese bus and off again at the town of Bugibba. We ascended two flights of stairs to the apartment and were then shown to our room and its lovely views of the

Bugibba skyline...


Either they did not want us there or it was an honest mistake, if it was an honest mistake then I doubt Naughty Alice will ever speak to us again!

Malta Blog 1 - Mrs Blog stuck in the bog

Bowing to overwhelming demand by readers of this drivel (in other words two people asked for this), I have decided to write up the Malta blogs. (See 26-3-14 - Malta - A Blogger's Paradise)

Mrs Blog and I had a few days on the lovely island of Malta last week, staying free and gratis with Lindzy-Blog and her mother, Naughty Alice. You may wish to read "More Misunderstandings 17-4-11 for background on Naughty Alice).

(We had flown there with Ryanair, who are a bit like Easyjet, but with less tolerance and less customer care. They are not the sort to muck about with, as they will charge you £50 at the drop of a hat for anything they can think of). 

We had only been there one day, when Mrs Blog got stuck in the toilet of the flat (rented by Lindzy-Blog from a Maltese guy). My first thought was total panic, if Mrs Blog stayed stuck for three more days we would be negotiating with Ryanair for a change to our return flight and that would cost me a packet! Then it dawned on me that Ryanair was the least of my worries. Lindzy-Blog was moving out of the flat in a week's time; if Mrs Blog was still in the toilet at that stage it could cost me a deposit and a six month lease agreement! 

Truly panicked I tried to talk Mrs Blog our of the toilet, "try pushing the door a little harder" I suggested. She did and the door opened saving me at least E2,000 in the blink of an eye!

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 4/4

Finally I rang the "helpline " at Vodafone again. There is by the way no option for "voice mail problems" so I did my usual trick and opted for bill payments (these folks are usually keen to talk to you when they can get money from you).

EVentually I went through the first tier support, then spoke to the "technical guy" who managed to confirm that indeed there was a problem with my voicemail account. He, though, was not the man to fix it. It needed to be escalated to the  "Network team"!

The Network team will not speak to you though. Only Vodafone people can speak to the Network team. They do not work very fast in the Network team either, I was told 72 hours was the process time to fix my issue. Regular readers will know I am apt to get a but grumpy with things like this.

"Can I complain to someone about this?"

"No"

"Surely there is someone who takes complaints?"

"You can speak to my manager but it won't do any good!"

"So, you don't care about customers complaining then? What about if I write a blog about how bad your service is and stick on Twitter??"

No impact at all. Having been through this before I asked to speak to the "Cancellation Team". Vodafone doesn't like losing money (despite the extreme lengths they go to to do just that, by upsetting their customers).

At the time of writing I am still waiting to speak to them....

To be continued?

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 3/4

Rather than dial the same people who had given me the incorrect PIN I decided to resort to the web. I went to log on to my Vodafone account and it decided it didn't like my username or password but would not tell me which one it didn't like.

Undeterred, I went through the new password process and tried again.

"We are sorry this service is unavailable - please try later."

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 2/4

Following my return to the UK I decided to call Vodafone on 191 guessing correctly that in doing so I would not be upsetting the Maltese Ambulance services.Easier said than done since Vodafone decided to cut off my signal by doing "something" to a mast.

After a fifteen mile drive I managed to reconnect with Vodafone and they said I would receive a text with a new PIN shortly and everything would be fine.

The PIN duly arrived and I set off home knowing that I could now access my voicemails from my landline by using the new PIN.

If only!! I got home, I dialed the number and I entered the PIN.

"The PIN you have entered is incorrect and your voicemail account is now locked!!"

Vodafone - hell bent on starring in my blog! 1/4

I was on holiday in Malta last week and took my mobile phone - for some reason I have not learned my lesson and I am still with Vodafone.

I tried to access my voicemail and entered the PIN only to be told that Vodafone did not like that PIN (I checked it was correct) and they locked my voicemail.  Never mind though they sent me a text telling me to dial 191.

I did and spoke to the Malta Ambulance Emergency Services!!

Royal Bank of Scotland - I love them

Sometimes when you think you are hitting an online service brick wall you are proved wrong!

Below is a cut and paste from my chat with RBS online banking help agent Adam...

Adam: Hi, you're chatting with Adam. How may I help you?

RICHARD: I want to cancel a direct debit but your system will not let me. It tells me to call your telephone direct banking BUT - there is no option to cancel Direct Debits!!!

Adam: Hello Richard

Adam: You should be able to cancel a direct debit online

RICHARD: Hello Adam

RICHARD: I know but it will not let me that is why I am talking to you!

Adam: If you click "payments and transfers" and then under the heading "standing orders and direct debits" there is a drop down box where you can select "manage direct debits"

Adam: If you click that, you can select the direct debit and click "cancel"

Adam: What happens when you try?#

RICHARD: Stop stop stop - read what I have written

RICHARD: It tells me to call Direct Banking like I said before!

RICHARD: I have cancelled many DD in the past so I know how to do it - it simply does not let me on this DD

Adam: Would you like me to see if I can do it?

RICHARD: YES please!!

Adam: Can I take your full name please?

RICHARD: Richard Leeson

Adam: Thank you

Adam: Could you please confirm the last four digits of the account number for me?

RICHARD: m@#+~

Adam: Which direct debit is it?

RICHARD: Times Newspapers

Adam: Great

Adam: I've cancelled that for you

Adam: I'd recommending informing The Times too to let them know

Adam: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

RICHARD: Thanks Adam!! Have a lovely evening and may the sun shine on you wherever you go.

Adam: Thanks for chatting with me today.

Malta - A Blogger's Paradise

A four day trip to Malta, which ended last night, gave up so much blog material that I decided to simply list the headings of the possible blogs in this post...

1. Mrs Blog stuck in the bog
2. Naughty Alice's Knickers
3. Home at 10.87 p.m.
4. Naughty Alice in contempt of court
5. Mr Blog loses his bottom
6. Mr Blog is force fed toast
7. Lindzy-Blog walks fifteen miles in an hour

I have not decided yet whether or not to elucidate, but might be persuaded if there were comments encouraging me to do so!!

Menopausal Hypothermia

Mrs Blog turned the heating off as a "slight chemical imbalance" left her feeling warm. Sadly, reality in Scotland in March is not warm and I am in danger of dying of hypothermia. I wonder if I am unique?

Mrs Blog'sBirthday

Mrs Blog headed south on Sunday to celebrate her birthday with the Sussex-Blogs, leaving Mr Blog at home.

Mrs Blog rang at 5.10 in the afternoon to say she had arrived safely and, knowing that she had been awake since 6.00 a.m. and driven 400 miles, I was pretty sure she would be out like a light by 8.00 p.m. Wrong!

She rang at 18.50 to ask if would be ready for a Skype call with the assembled Sussex-Blogs in ten minutes time (19.00 by my reckoning).At 21.00 they got round to Skyping. I figured that maybe Mrs Blog had been busy chatting. Wrong!

At 21.24. Usually in our house any call after 21.00 means a family tragedy at the very least. Not so, a giggly (and maybe tiddly) Mrs Blog was at the other end of the phone, asking if I could remember any Cockney rhyming slang!! Just the kind of question I was ready to answer. She then went on to claim that I had once lived in Essex and therefore should know loads of rhyming slang; I have never lived remotely close to Essex, the Bow Bells or Albert Square.

Here's hoping the trouble and strife reads this!!

Bottons!

Today started unusually with Nrs Blog asking whether or not chickens have bottons!

(See previous post)

Keyboard update

After fourteen years of diligent service our conputer keyboard has given up the ghost, well alnost.

I discovered this evening that it is falling apart one key at a tine. Why I do not know - nost likely old age. Nrs Blog hardly uses the PC, content to enail on her laptop so she is as yet unaware of the nayhen being caused and cannot be blaned for the problen.

So for those less eagle-eyed followers the "n" key is not working and I an having to nake use of the "n" to replace it.

Amazon review

A long while back I wrote about an Amazon review of "Veet, hair removal" - the customer reviews are still up there and well worth a look!

Daughter-Blog sent me another Amazon review - this time of Gummi Bears, which I have pasted below...

Customer Review

19,775 of 20,062 people found the following review helpful  Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate., October 3, 2012 By  C. Torok Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery) Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN! First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper. BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me. Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors. But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible. AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS. I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005. I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands. Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying. Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump. If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

I thought my New Year was difficult...

In the London Times today is an excellent article on page 32.

It seems a 20 year old Australian man from Mooroopna, wanted to surprise his girlfriend. To achieve this he hid and got stuck in a top-poading washing machine. Firefighters took 20 mins to free him.

Amazingly he is not alone! An 11 year old american girl did the same thing in a similar design of machine and he friends called the fire brigade when they failed to free her using peanut butter and ice cream!

Happy Bloody New Year!

Felt a little unsettled this morning looking at the year ahead. At times like this I turn to the ever reliable reassurance of Shelly Von Strunckel, horoscope expert extrodinaire.

Even she let me down with her first words

Aries:
"Ordinarily you overcome problems swiftly."

Back to bed :-(